You Need A Money Friend & Here’s Why

you-need-a-money friend-heres-why

You should never take a good friend for granted and today I am dedicating this post to a personal friend of mine who has enough dexterity in her listening ears to withstand my monetary hour long personal “podcasts.” I call her my Money Friend because the majority of our topic revolve around the almighty dollar. Readers might not know this but…

I LOve money.

waits for the waves of shuddering shock to die down

I’m similar to a lot of people in the personal finance community. In real life, we are wealth-shy. It’s another extension of stealth wealth but there’s an active avoidance between even your closest friends and family. I deem them too close. My mother will develop a spending problem if she knew what we make and save per year. She’ll call us unnatural hoarders for having a 70% savings rate. My mom is frugal only by force. If that lady gets an unexpected check, off to Macy’s she goes to spend it on an ugly sweater and an ugly bag!

asians-shopping-in-mall
If you see a 60-year-old Chinese woman at Macy’s foaming at the mouth, that might be my mom 😉

 

My Money Friend

My Money Friend was a former business partner of mine and because we were once business partners, it was natural for us to talk shop. Talking shop eventually lead us to the subject of money even after our business partnership ended. I became accustomed to talking money with her. This pretty much violated all the grounds of “never mix business with friends” advice though. Thankfully, our friendship hasn’t soured yet. We even share the same PO box! 🙂

A Money Friend doesn’t judge. I’ve tested the boundaries and I designated her as an open individual who will not judge me for my obsession with personal finance. I can talk forever about all the intrinsic details of personal finance that I’m familiar with. Then after forever, I can do another eternity of philosophical discussions of what it actually means to have wealth.

 

Money Friends has the following characteristics:

They are Not INTRUSIVE

Money Friends should never be intrusive or overly curious. I hate giving specific numbers because when the numbers are out, all we do is focus on those numbers. It separate as well as divide from the core of the relationship. If someone asked about the numbers then they either have to retract that statement or be prepared for an awkward silence with me because I’m not spilling it.

They Love you

My Money Friend doesn’t understand half of what I’m saying. They don’t need to, personal finance is not a big hobby for most people. But she loves this nerd enough to listen and try to decipher and engage follow-up questions. A lot of my ramblings goes over her head but she enjoys the company nonetheless.

They don’t need technical knowledge

credit-card-amex-clueless-friend

She told me she thought credit cards were given to people who have done good deeds AKA Credit Karma (which is the name of a company…it’s not actually about karma honey…). She told me because of her sheltered upbringing, she didn’t know you had to actually pay back your credit cards until she was a grown adult. This leads me to the next point…

it can Mutually Beneficial

One could argue a Money Friend is mutually beneficial. I need her for the moral support on sensitive subjects that I can’t just toss out to anyone in my circle. I fear judgement and I value my privacy if they are what I consider…too close. She has come towards me seeking tax help and I’ve balanced her budget several times before. It’s something I’m more than happy to do, so this relationship is mutually beneficial.

they’re Open minded

Money Friends are open-minded. They are too wonderful to judge you financially, wherever you are. Even if they happen to know your numbers, there’s no fixation on that. That’s really rare! Really! That would disqualify myself as a potential Money Friend. If I knew someone with 25x my salary than it would make me feel a bit like a smidge of 💩. That’s kind of natural right? We are competitive creatures. I would become fixated on that aspect and forget about everything else that makes a person a great friend. Money Friends are hard to come by.

They Possess Humanness

It takes an enlightened person to understand that money is not the great equalizer. Money makes certain events less stressful but not any less sad. If my dog became sick tomorrow and I can afford to take her to the vet for surgery, that shouldn’t disqualify me from feeling sad. I’m allowed to feel sad and a Money Friend will not take your ability to pay into consideration on the level of your sadness you’re allowed. Bill Gates is allowed to feel sad just like anyone else, duh, because money up to a certain point is completely useless.

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That time that Grace ate furniture glue…what is wrong with my doggie. -_-

“Why is she complaining about a leaked roof? She can patch that up with a fraction of her husband’s money.” If someone said that to you, they’re not Money Friend material. They’re not even just friend material.

Separation from a best friend

One of my oldest, best-est friends doesn’t know 90% of what’s going in my financial life. That relationship is based on everything but the subject of money. And I’m afraid of what the topic of money will do to it; so I rather avoid it. No one knows about this blog besides my Money Friend and my husband. I would like to keep it that way.

Bonus: They Can Be Long Distance

Very few romantic relationship survive long distance but a Money Friend is (arguably) better long distance. Besides the subject of money that bonds us, me and my Money Friend have a different mindset on a lot of things in terms of lifestyle, goals, beliefs. I am the type to look for a possible coupon in everything I do and everywhere I go but she is the type that would never touch a coupon because “if it’s on sale, it’s not going to be as good.” So if we were even the same state, I would start questioning how our opposing view points might change our relationship for the worst.

Why A Money Friend Is Important

Before I started this blog I would rant my Money Friend’s ear off everyday between my turnovers and daily errands because I had no one to talk to about something I was clearly obsessed with. I went on and on about which funds I was interested in, how much depreciation on the house is not taxed, how long we’re thinking of holding onto X and how I got a $90 dollar jacket down to $15 dollars.

You Need A Money Friend & Here’s Why

Thankfully, I am bothering her about 30% less now that I can unload some of these details on willing eyes and ears in the personal finance blogosphere. But yeah, long before this blog, I had to unload my ramblings about budgeting, investing, planning, real estate, and coupon deals with her for years. Money was the topic that I exclusively shared with her and no one else. Thanks to her, she has stopped the verbal flood gate that would have otherwise bored my husband to death. My Money Friend basically saved my marriage and at least a few other relationships not built on business or finance.

Do you have a Money Friend? How many people in your social circle (besides your spouse) understands the ins and outs of your finances? Do they know about your blog?

17 Replies to “You Need A Money Friend & Here’s Why

  1. I have a friend that I share quite a bit of information with. However, he doesn’t share as much detail with me as I share with him – which I am fine with. I enjoy bouncing ideas off of him because he provides a different perspective compared to my thought-process. He is more frugal in nature than I am, which helps keep me keep my finances in check.

    Within my friend group, we don’t talk finances in detail. When I started the blog, more and more of my friends ask for little pieces of advice here and there. Over time, our conversations have blossomed, but we still don’t share exact dollar information.

    Thanks for sharing!
    The Grounded Engineer recently posted…401(k)s: Importance of an employer match and the Solo 401(k)My Profile

    1. Thank you for stopping by! It sounds like you have a Money Buddy there! 🙂

      How did you feel when your friends started asking you questions? Was there any apprehension if they were too personal?

  2. I don’t think I have a money friend. Now I feel lonely.
    My wife and I talk about money and stuff, but I don’t really have anyone else to talk finances with. It’s not all bad though, as I already know it all anyway. 😏 jk, really, I’m kidding.
    Thanks for sharing.

  3. My BFF and I share our money situations with each other. But we are not like minded at all. While she is currently building a brand new house, I am calculating how many years I have left until early retirement. So there are basically light years between our mindsets.

    Nevertheless, she’s an awesome friend who will hopefully come around to the money saving idea eventually. And then I’ll be there for her. In the meantime, the personal finance community has been awesome. I’ve chatted with so many great, likeminded people already 🙂
    Financial Muse recently posted…Yes, there is a foolproof way to avoid unnecessary purchases…My Profile

  4. I probably have one friend that I talk to about this sorta thing these days. We both have risen from nothing to something. Although his something is substantially more than my something at this point. But like you I have friends that know nothing about my financial situation and it’s probably best that way 🙂
    Mustard Seed Money recently posted…Guest Post: Please Stop Spoiling My KidMy Profile

    1. You are so pure Mr. MSM! I love how you said “risen from nothing to something.” ‘From nothing to somethings’ are my favorite kind of PF stories! Good for both of you!

  5. I don’t have a Money Friend but I need one! The problem is that friends are hard to come by as well as maintain (they’re like a bank account, you have to deposit if you want to withdraw). My two girlfriends aren’t needy but I only have so much time and unfortunately, neither of them can fill this roll. In the meantime, I’ll continue to read financial blogs and remind myself that there are other people like me out there.

    1. Hi Sarah! Thank you for dropping by! I saw you today on Mrs. FAF’s blog haha.

      Interesting way of comparing friendship. It is very true, what you put into a relationship is what you get out.

      Yes!! I was writing this post and I thought to myself…oh boy I coming off needy even on paper lol! PF bloggers make great money friends 🙂

  6. I don’t have a money friend. I used to have a, let’s call him a “money acquaintance,” at my old job. We talked about how we can max out 401k’s, IRA’s. Which health insurance plans were best, how we could take advantage of the Mega Backdoor Roth contributions. Since I changed companies, we don’t talk anymore. I don’t mind because he was kind of a dick.

    But a money friend would be very nice. At least I have a bunch of pf blogs to read 🙂

  7. That’s pretty disciplined to not have anyone else than your money friend and husband know about the blog (in your personal sphere). I do get it though. Initially I didn’t want to let anyone know about my blog as well due to the whole stealth wealth mentality, on our end as well. But we’re opening a little more up to it. It can make things a bit awkward though. My 4 best friends, friends I knew all the way from middle school, are all pastors/ministers, so it’s a bit weird if I bring up money. They always want to change the subject!

    1. Hiya Tim, welcome!

      Same here! I have a few friends who are public school teachers and they don’t really discuss monetary topics period. I’m still team stealth wealth all the way but I don’t think money should be a taboo topic.

  8. Hahah I love this article! I don’t really have a money friend, but I do have a friend that I got hooked into with all the finance stuff I talk about. I talked about it to her so much that she started being more aware of the money she spends, tries to save more money, and she even downloaded a budget app. If I didn’t stop talking to her about money and such, she would still be struggling to save money. She has me to thank for 🙂

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