You should never take a good friend for granted and today I am dedicating this post to a personal friend of mine who has enough dexterity in her listening ears to withstand my monetary hour long personal “podcasts.” I call her my Money Friend because the majority of our topic revolve around the almighty dollar. Readers might not know this but…
I LOve money.
waits for the waves of shuddering shock to die down
I’m similar to a lot of people in the personal finance community. In real life, we are wealth-shy. It’s another extension of stealth wealth but there’s an active avoidance between even your closest friends and family. I deem them too close. My mother will develop a spending problem if she knew what we make and save per year. She’ll call us unnatural hoarders for having a 70% savings rate. My mom is frugal only by force. If that lady gets an unexpected check, off to Macy’s she goes to spend it on an ugly sweater and an ugly bag!
My Money Friend
My Money Friend was a former business partner of mine and because we were once business partners, it was natural for us to talk shop. Talking shop eventually lead us to the subject of money even after our business partnership ended. I became accustomed to talking money with her. This pretty much violated all the grounds of “never mix business with friends” advice though. Thankfully, our friendship hasn’t soured yet. We even share the same PO box! 🙂
A Money Friend doesn’t judge. I’ve tested the boundaries and I designated her as an open individual who will not judge me for my obsession with personal finance. I can talk forever about all the intrinsic details of personal finance that I’m familiar with. Then after forever, I can do another eternity of philosophical discussions of what it actually means to have wealth.
Money Friends has the following characteristics:
They are Not INTRUSIVE
Money Friends should never be intrusive or overly curious. I hate giving specific numbers because when the numbers are out, all we do is focus on those numbers. It separate as well as divide from the core of the relationship. If someone asked about the numbers then they either have to retract that statement or be prepared for an awkward silence with me because I’m not spilling it.
They Love you
My Money Friend doesn’t understand half of what I’m saying. They don’t need to, personal finance is not a big hobby for most people. But she loves this nerd enough to listen and try to decipher and engage follow-up questions. A lot of my ramblings goes over her head but she enjoys the company nonetheless.
They don’t need technical knowledge
She told me she thought credit cards were given to people who have done good deeds AKA Credit Karma (which is the name of a company…it’s not actually about karma honey…). She told me because of her sheltered upbringing, she didn’t know you had to actually pay back your credit cards until she was a grown adult. This leads me to the next point…
it can Mutually Beneficial
One could argue a Money Friend is mutually beneficial. I need her for the moral support on sensitive subjects that I can’t just toss out to anyone in my circle. I fear judgement and I value my privacy if they are what I consider…too close. She has come towards me seeking tax help and I’ve balanced her budget several times before. It’s something I’m more than happy to do, so this relationship is mutually beneficial.
they’re Open minded
Money Friends are open-minded. They are too wonderful to judge you financially, wherever you are. Even if they happen to know your numbers, there’s no fixation on that. That’s really rare! Really! That would disqualify myself as a potential Money Friend. If I knew someone with 25x my salary than it would make me feel a bit like a smidge of 💩. That’s kind of natural right? We are competitive creatures. I would become fixated on that aspect and forget about everything else that makes a person a great friend. Money Friends are hard to come by.
They Possess Humanness
It takes an enlightened person to understand that money is not the great equalizer. Money makes certain events less stressful but not any less sad. If my dog became sick tomorrow and I can afford to take her to the vet for surgery, that shouldn’t disqualify me from feeling sad. I’m allowed to feel sad and a Money Friend will not take your ability to pay into consideration on the level of your sadness you’re allowed. Bill Gates is allowed to feel sad just like anyone else, duh, because money up to a certain point is completely useless.
“Why is she complaining about a leaked roof? She can patch that up with a fraction of her husband’s money.” If someone said that to you, they’re not Money Friend material. They’re not even just friend material.
Separation from a best friend
One of my oldest, best-est friends doesn’t know 90% of what’s going in my financial life. That relationship is based on everything but the subject of money. And I’m afraid of what the topic of money will do to it; so I rather avoid it. No one knows about this blog besides my Money Friend and my husband. I would like to keep it that way.
Bonus: They Can Be Long Distance
Very few romantic relationship survive long distance but a Money Friend is (arguably) better long distance. Besides the subject of money that bonds us, me and my Money Friend have a different mindset on a lot of things in terms of lifestyle, goals, beliefs. I am the type to look for a possible coupon in everything I do and everywhere I go but she is the type that would never touch a coupon because “if it’s on sale, it’s not going to be as good.” So if we were even the same state, I would start questioning how our opposing view points might change our relationship for the worst.
Why A Money Friend Is Important
Before I started this blog I would rant my Money Friend’s ear off everyday between my turnovers and daily errands because I had no one to talk to about something I was clearly obsessed with. I went on and on about which funds I was interested in, how much depreciation on the house is not taxed, how long we’re thinking of holding onto X and how I got a $90 dollar jacket down to $15 dollars.
Thankfully, I am bothering her about 30% less now that I can unload some of these details on willing eyes and ears in the personal finance blogosphere. But yeah, long before this blog, I had to unload my ramblings about budgeting, investing, planning, real estate, and coupon deals with her for years. Money was the topic that I exclusively shared with her and no one else. Thanks to her, she has stopped the verbal flood gate that would have otherwise bored my husband to death. My Money Friend basically saved my marriage and at least a few other relationships not built on business or finance.
Do you have a Money Friend? How many people in your social circle (besides your spouse) understands the ins and outs of your finances? Do they know about your blog?